This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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