I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
