That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
