dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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