drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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