It's Friday. Sex?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
