I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
