Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize