I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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