i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
