I just pynch a tree in the face
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
