I feel like abortions should bother me more
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
