Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
