it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
