Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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