she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
