I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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