Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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