I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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