How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
