watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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