it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sarcasm needs its own font
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
