i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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