I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
