found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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