Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
