i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
