I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
