farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
