..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
