Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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