In America we eat man semen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
