i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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