Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
