I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
