11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why didn't you poke me back
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
