ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
