just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
