jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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