if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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