you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
