Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
