I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
