just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
