After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
