remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
