The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
