shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
