Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
