It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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