I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
