I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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