There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
