Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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