Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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