The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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