More tranny stories later!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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